“How do I love a life I don’t want.”
For a long time I asked myself this question.
Maybe you are wrestling with it too.
Things don’t always work out the way you plan them.
Big changes that are both wanted or unwanted can leave you reeling and not knowing what to do.
Huge life changes are often difficult to handle because all big change involves loss.
You might not realize you’re experiencing grief as it comes in many forms:
- Death of a loved one
- Death of a pet
- Divorce or a break-up
- Moving
- Facing the empty nest
- Job loss
- Loss of community
It is easier to navigate the choppy waters of life with a guide.
Grief can also be like a tsunami.
When I lost my son I experienced a level of grief I had never imagined possible. I was completely unequipped to deal with a loss that big.
Before March 2014, I was a busy and mostly content mother of four sons, actively engaged in helping them grow and building my small coaching business.
March 26, 2014 is when my second son Oliver was diagnosed with pediatric osteosarcoma – bone cancer at age 14. Our lives were turned completely upside down, and we began the hectic and stressful struggle of cancer treatment.
Oliver finished treatment in the winter of 2014. We thought for a few short months that he was in the clear. In the summer of 2015 we learned the cancer had returned and there were no viable treatment options. I changed the moment the oncology team told us that all options would be palliative and not a cure. My son would die of cancer.
The anticipatory grief began that moment, and navigating the next ten months until he died was harrowing, beautiful, tender, and expansive. That experience taught me so much about how to live and how to love. It also taught me what is helpful during extreme distress and pain and what is not.
During Oliver’s cancer journey I started painting again.
I hadn’t painted much in a very long time. I had moved my artist pursuits to the back burner in order to show up as a Mom and partner to my late husband. He wasn’t supportive of my painting and I unfortunately stopped to keep the peace in my marriage.
In order to heal the grief I had to examine my own self-abandonment. We have to heal our old traumas while we heal grief. You heal them together. Grief experts agree that you heal old wounds and trauma while you heal your grief. You toggle back and forth. I need to heal self-abandonment and co-dependence which lead to art making. I had to sit with how important creativity was to me and not negate it anymore. It was too important – like breathing.
After my first expressive painting session, I was surprised how much joy I felt and how far from worry I was.
I began a project while Oliver was fighting cancer and completed it after he died. Oliver loved the art project! I would bring pieces into his room and he would say “Oh, I love that one.” or “That one needs a bit of work.”
The moving of the paint across the canvas, trying to convey emotion with colour, brought me out of my head and the stories I created around this loss and back into my senses.
When my late husband of 25 years died suddenly in March of 2020 as society shut down with COVID, my world was thrown into a tailspin again.
Shortly after my late husband died, I started experiencing panic attacks. I found it hard to find any sense of relaxation or freedom from constant worry. I wasn’t sure how I was going to cover the loss of my husband’s income and care for my sons.
One thing no one tells you is how physically painful grief is. My back felt like it was on fire and my chest felt like broken glass. I was stiff from all the worry.
About a year into that grief journey, I found Paul Denniston and Grief Yoga. Within two months of practicing grief yoga, I noticed I wasn’t having any more panic attacks or if I felt them coming on I knew I could mitigate them. It was remarkable!
Panic attacks are like a snowball rolling down a hill. If you can make a shift when worry starts, you can prevent the snowball from forming.
The grief yoga helped to release enough of the grief and the fear and the stress so I could feel more present in my body and stop spinning. I was able to sleep and I remember laughing for the first time. I had far less physical pain and felt flexible and healthy.
Tucked tightly in my grief was the next version of me. I realized I had to leave my cocoon and re-emerge into a bolder, more vibrant version of myself.
I was able to re-emerge because I realized I was able to handle all the emotions as they surfaced. The heights of joy and the depths of sorrow. I now knew I could traverse it all.
I miss my son and late husband and I also like the person I have become because of these losses.
I have so much more love and appreciation for myself, for others, and for life. I live more boldly and bravely. I am grateful for the life I have because it’s still a whole lot.
Since then, I have assisted the most inspiring of women to:
Tell the story of their grief and healing.
See themselves as the hero of their journey.
Step into a bold version of themselves.
The values that guide my work
Creativity
We are all creative beings and our ability to create is connected to our aliveness. Through tapping into this superpower we can explore our relationship with our experiences and their impact on our lives. This is useful in moving forward with positivity and hope. Through creativity, we can find the agency to thrive even amid difficult circumstances.
Expression
One of the ways we heal from trauma and tragedy is through telling our story. Being in the company of people who hold our stories sacred, we can shift our perspective and cultivate more self-compassion, self-love, and optimism. Over time, we are able to see the circumstances in a more positive way and are able to recognize ourselves as the hero of our life story.
Warmth & Safety
We often need a very warm, caring, and inviting space that allows us to turn the volume down on the critical voices in our heads, and turn the volume up on our beauty, courage, and resilience. Your stories, your transformational journey, and your hopes and fears are safe here. We value all aspects of you as you discover yourself, grow, and change. This space is free of judgment and we value one another’s identities and perspectives.
Inclusiveness
This is a space where people from every cultural background and identity are welcome. We are ongoing students of anti-oppression work and continue to learn and grow. We strive to make this a space where every person feels safe and welcome. There is no story, experience, or loss that is too much for us or this space. All are welcome here.
Hope
Life can be both extraordinarily hard and extraordinarily beautiful. Sometimes things can be so difficult that we feel we can’t go on. We have a surprising well of inner strength that is available to meet us in adversity. We are capable of being stronger and more resilient as a result of moving through difficult circumstances. It is possible for us to have a life of joy and meaning even in the wake of profound loss.
Courage
It is hard to explore our losses, traumas, and wounding so that we can bring light to these experiences and heal them. We cannot change the external experiences of our lives, but we can change our response to them. This takes tremendous courage to face the enormity of our lives, in all its facets, and give loving attention to that which wants to be loved and nurtured.
Fun Facts About Me
I have four sons: Seamus 28, my angel Oliver who would be 24, Liam 18, and Owen 13.
We have a yellow lab named Appa. All of my sons, and especially Oliver, loved the animated series Avatar. We named our pup after Ang’s beloved sky bison, and are still working on the command “yip, yip”.
Messy art is my favorite. I don’t mind paint, clay, wax, or marker on my hands. For me getting my hands dirty is half the fun.
My favorite food on earth is strawberry rhubarb pie. Durng summer I make it using my great grandmother’s recipe and it is always brings a tear to my eye. Thank you Great Gram!
Why work with me?
I’m a trustworthy guide in your healing journey because I’ve walked deep healing journeys myself. I am also certified to teach you the tools that helped me when I needed them most.
Coaching & Expressive Arts
Certified Grief Educator
Certified Health and Life Coach
Certified Mastery Coach
Certified Expressive Arts Coach
BFA in Painting from Colgate University
Certified Wild Writing Teacher
Yoga & Healing Modalities
200 Hour Certified Kundalini Yoga Teacher
200 Hour Certified Vinyasa Yoga Teacher
100 Hour Certified Grief Yoga Teacher
Certified Reiki Master
Certified Flower Essence Practitioner
Certified Holistic Shamanic Practitioner
The biggest lesson I learned is:
no matter what challenges you are going through, you are worthy of more.
You deserve magic and joy and pleasure in your life and I can’t wait to show you all the possibilities surrounding you.
MEMBERSHIP
The Creative Cocoon
Online membership community for women like you ready to transform your grief after losing a significant person in your life.
1:1 SUPPORT
Private Coaching
Would you like personal support while going through a period of grief? Jen is available for private coaching sessions.
RESOURCES
Creative Healing Tools
Explore creative healing tools to release sadness, regret, and guilt in the lightest most joyful way.